Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
