Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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