I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
