Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
