Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
