I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
