Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
