i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
