New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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