Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
