I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
