I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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