what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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