i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize