I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
