I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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