I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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