Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
