There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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