I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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