Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
