I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
