You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
