Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
