im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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