I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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