if you like me you must not know who I am
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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