i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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