it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
