Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
