seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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