Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
porn star boner night. come get it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
