Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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