I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
