I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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