we have pet lesbian snakes
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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