dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
