I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
