my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
