Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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