how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
