Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
