I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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