So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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