girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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