I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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