1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
