I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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