roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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