I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
