that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
