Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
