I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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