Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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