i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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