Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
