So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
