So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
