Don't you send me to vm
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
