we have officially lost it.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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