Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
